Parents Just Don't Understand (singing Will Smith song remember that one?)

Something I have been thinking about writing about but haven't is the subject of extended family and their response to autism or a child who has autism. My family specifically likes to use food. Food represents love. So when my son who has autism can no longer eat the foods my extended family eats the choice has been to let him cheat, to force him to abstain, not to attend events etc. When I have had parties and have tried to make foods my son can eat for the entire family or order them special I have been criticized for doing so and told to make or buy the rest of the people there "real" food.

My son doesn't want to love on or hug just anyone. It seems the only way my parents especially can relate to my son is by disciplining him. Aidan get off that table! Aidan No, No! He looks at them and sometimes listens. That's the only time they get a look from him normally so that's all I find them doing with him, verbal discipline.

Then there are the other members of our family. Let's just say they don't all rush to volunteer to watch him while we are somewhere and I want to do something else like have a grown up discussion. Never mind the fact that my husband and I were the token watchers of all nieces and nephews for them. I have never ever been able to relax, take it easy and enjoy at a family gathering with someone in my family saying hey don't worry I will watch him for a bit.

Who I have become as a matter of becoming an autism parent is something my family and parents just don't understand. They have no idea what I do, what groups I belong too, why my ideology on so many things has changed. Some families especially grandparents when they hear a grandchild has autism it is as if some mechanism forces them into action and they become so interested and wanting to help their child who has a child with autism. I thought that would happen at least with my mom but it didn't. Oftentimes I feel like such an outsider with my extended family. Their reaction or lack of reaction has been so demoralizing. I think I just needed an outlet to express that.